You may feel as though your wedding is a celebration engineered for you and your partner, but I believe planning a wedding is just like planning any other event.
It’s all about mixing and melding party elements to create an awesome experience for the humans attending.
That’s right. Your wedding is actually about your witnesses. Because otherwise you’d head down to City Hall with your betrothed and just do the damn thing by yourself.
And weddings need witnesses! I got married this summer, and one of the biggest things I’ve realized in the planning process is actually how weddings are really the perfect opportunity to celebrate and honor your closest family and friends. Because I couldn’t imagine a happier moment than saying your vows as you are surrounded by your personal human support system. It’s magical.
But how do you get there? Which of those humans are actually going to show up? How many drinks or dinner entrees or portable designer bathroom trailers will you need? People are inherently unpredictable, especially when it comes to party-going, and wedding guests may be the worst offenders.
Breathe. Estimating wedding RSVPs doesn’t have to be aggravating. Here are some tips for managing and calculating your guest list, no matter where you are in the planning process.
Old wedding lore says invitations are supposed to be sent out to your guests six weeks in advance. Most people don’t play by these rules anymore, and neither should you. The earlier you can send out invitations, the earlier you can request those guests to RSVP and the earlier your guests will be able to plan their trip. It may be more stressful to think about invitations five months before your wedding, but if you have the details pinned down, why not send them as soon as possible? No one is going to regret getting an invitation or a Save the Date too early.
Certain wedding elements will make it more difficult for guests to attend, and will help you better guess who might bail. Local guests that have a short travel time to your venue and fewer expenses are more likely to attend. Other factors that can influence your RSVP rate:
- Percentage of out-of-town guests invited
- Day of the week of your wedding (typically non-Saturday weddings can be cheaper!)
- Time of day of your wedding (nupitals over breakfast, anyone?)
- Accessibility of your wedding (is it 5 hours from the nearest airport?)
- How explicity you request RSVP information
If you’re worried about guests sending in their RSVPs, make it an integral part of your wedding invitation. Include a specific respond-by date and spell out how to RSVP right there next to the ceremony location and time. Traditional response cards may still be popular, but they are definitely not easier. Plus, many of those cards get forgotten. I didn’t include one in my invitation and I know many friends following suit. It’s much less fussy just to direct someone to a custom wedding website URL.
And–of course–there’s no better way to manage RSVPs than with Splash. (Shameless, yes, but true, guys!) It’s actually one of the features I’m most proud of: Inputting guest information as you plan and then having the ability to email reminders to those who have not yet RSVPed.
If you can’t give up the response cards, try both! Most of your guests would probably rather RSVP via an interactive and so-totally-you Splash Page than by mailing in a static RSVP card. Plus, your wedding Splash will give them much more information than your paper invitation, including videos of you and your partner, and interactive maps of your venue. No competition there.
Who gets a plus one? A good rule of thumb: If your guest has a husband or wife, they get a plus one. If your guest has a long-time partner (let’s say 2 years), they get a plus one. However, if your guest has a new significant other, things can get tricky, especially if you are trying to keep your guest list concise or just don’t want strangers attending your wedding.
If you need a hard-and-fast rule, then make up your own. If your guest wasn’t dating this significant other, or you haven’t personally met this significant other, by the time you send your Save the Date, count them out. Solves your problem, and save a few outliers, will make perfect sense to your guests.
Instead, use this 3-step method for figuring out how many guests you can expect at your wedding:
1. Using your full guest list, assess each guest’s likeliness to show up.
2. Based on each guests likeliness to attend, assign each a percentage:
0 – Definite no
.25 – Probably not
.5 – Maybe yes, maybe no
.75 – Probably coming
1 – Definitely coming
1.5 – Definitely coming, maybe with a plus-one
2 – Definitely coming with a plus-one
3. Add up all the percentages.
Example:
John (0.25), Jen (0.75), Ashley (1.0), Laura & Guest (2.0).
Total expected guests for this tiny wedding = 4
Although these rules can help you better ballpark your wedding size, you should still party within your means. If your venue holds 200 people, and you invite 250, hoping that 25% won’t show, you are playing with fire. Literally–there are maximum venue capacity rules for fire hazard reasons and the fire department could easily shut down your wedding. So play it smart. Plan ahead. And you’ll have just the right room full of just the right people cheering you on.
Ben Hindman is co-founder and CEO of Splash, the country's fastest-growing event marketing platform that helps businesses and brands more effectively market through their events.
An event planner turned tech entrepreneur, events are in Ben’s DNA. Prior to starting Splash, Ben was the Director of Events at Thrillist, where he produced large-scale events from concerts to mystery fly-aways. He also co-founded the invite-only Summit Series, a premier event which attracts the world's leading entrepreneurs. Before that, Ben founded and sold DC By Foot, DC's only free walking tour company. In another life, Ben goes by Benny Beatbox, and has performed at the White House and on stage with Naughty by Nature – but not at the same time.
